Finally Breathing Again
For years, I thought I was just being loyal — working hard, showing up, doing what needed to be done. What I didn’t realize was that I’d let that “loyalty” turn into something else entirely. Somewhere along the way, I stopped having control over my own life.
It wasn’t one big thing that broke me down — it was the slow, steady pressure of being used, manipulated, and made to feel like I owed something I didn’t. When you’re under that kind of weight long enough, it starts to feel normal. You tell yourself you’re lucky to have what you’ve got, even when it’s costing you everything.
A while back, a close friend of mine moved to another state. We kept in touch, and I’d visit when I could. That friendship reminded me what life outside my situation could look like — peaceful, steady, and real. But I was too tied down to take that next step, too deep in the grip of obligation. Life moved on, and so did they.
Then came the day I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t make a plan or pack a truck — I just left. I grabbed my clothes, my TV, and what little peace of mind I had left. The hardest part was saying goodbye to my two dogs, who’d been with me for over eight years. I couldn’t take them where I was going, but a family member stepped in to give them a loving home. Letting them go broke my heart, but I knew they deserved stability even when I didn’t have it.
Starting over hasn’t been easy. I walked away from everything familiar — no job, no plan, no safety net — just a quiet hope that somehow this time, I’d find myself again. The relief was real, but so was the grief. Freedom doesn’t always feel free at first. It’s quiet, uncertain, and heavy. It makes you think about all the years and moments you’ll never get back.
But every morning now, I wake up without that knot in my stomach. I don’t have to answer to anyone who thrives on control. I don’t have to prove my worth to people who only valued what I could give them. And that’s how I know I made the right choice.
Maybe this chapter of my life is about learning how to breathe again — really breathe — without feeling guilty for it. I’ve learned that peace isn’t something you stumble into; it’s something you choose, even when it costs you comfort. Sometimes God doesn’t calm the storm right away — He calms you in the middle of it, and shows you how to walk out of it one step at a time.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
